I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
