Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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