i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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