Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
