guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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