Will you blow on my dice?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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