Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
