fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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