I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
