why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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