Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
