btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
