good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
