I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
