Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
