so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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