Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
