She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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