apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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