Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
