my vag is so smooth its legendary
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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