dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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