'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize