Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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