The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
