Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
