Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
