oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
