Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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