I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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