And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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