I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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