Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I did not marry a roomba.
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