Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
