i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
