The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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