hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
