did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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