We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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