Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
