the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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