his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
