capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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