walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
