just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
