i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
God, I missed his penis.
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