He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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