He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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