I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
