Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
