So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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