Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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