When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
