i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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