it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
