I seem to have left my pride at pride
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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