Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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