My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
