That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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