First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
