I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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