he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
