I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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