She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize