Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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