I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
