I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
