i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
