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I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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