you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
