paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
