We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
