3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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