Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
