It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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