I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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