Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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