She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
