I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
