cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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