You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
