I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
