I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
