u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
