So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
