margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
