Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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