The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
