Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
