it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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