So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need to calm my uterus...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize