just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my being single is dangerous.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
