ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
