I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
